Adventure

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm a carefree adventurer, ready to take the world by the horns, to plunge headlong into uncharted lands for the sheer thrill of discovering new places and people, in short, to face any challenge, no matter how remote or daunting. (Of course, those who know me really well know that I'm a big liar.)

I think most of the problems in the world today can be traced to the lack of adventure in our lives. We look back with envy on those intrepid pioneers from America's past who challenged the unknown and laughed in the face of danger. I'm referring, of course, to Ozzie and Harriet. This couple, with their two teenage sons, inhabited a popular TV sitcom of the 1950's and early 1960's, called The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. Not The Ozzie and Harriet Show or The Nelsons, but The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.

And just what kinds of adventures did Ozzie and Harriet have? Well, in one episode, Ozzie accidentally took the neighbor's car keys. (Move over, Indiana Jones.) Another time, Dave and Ricky argued over a sweater. This is precisely the kind of heart-stopping, pulse-quickening (Is that even possible?) adventure that most of us only dream about.

Of course, it's still possible to experience adventure, even in today's hum-drum, well ordered world. So if you're the kind of thrill seeker that would motivate you to be reading this, here are a few suggestions:

• Tear all the tags off your mattresses and pillows.
• Fast forward through the FBI warning at the beginning of a video tape without reading it.
• Install some software on your computer without first making a backup copy of the disks.

• Fall asleep on the subway at night. When you wake up, get off at the next stop.
• Sign all your checks with your left hand for a while. (If you're left handed anyway, use your foot!)
• Knock over motorcycles in bar parking lots.